About Me

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I snort when I laugh. I don't sleep much. Music is my life. I'm extremely clumsy. John Mayer is the love of my life. So is Batman. I'm Mormon. I have a slight obsession with mustaches. I blog because I can. I say what I think when I think it. My sense of humor often gets me in trouble. I love adventures. I get lost constantly.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My loves.

Some people are blessed to have a best friend. I am blessed to have many. I am going to dedicate a post to each of my best friends. This one goes to Jenni Allene Clark, or as I like to call her...Jennallene.
She is my munchkin friend, she is my Batman fanatic friend, and she is just amazing.
When we hang out, we laugh more than anything, talk about everything, and we're always up to something.
We met in January 2010, in our Communications class and have been pretty much inseparable ever since. We officially introduced ourselves on Monday at FHE. Having not talked much when we met in class Thursday, at first we didn't have much to say. But one thing led to another and we decided to become "gossip buddies" haha, and so we did.
Class on Tuesday was more fun now that we knew each other and it just grew from there. We hung out probably errday that semester after that.
We have been friends through thick and thin and we were even long distance friends for a bit when I went home for the summer and she stayed in Utah.
I watched her entire relationship with Chauncey ( who I call The Chaunce) from the first date, to them becoming engaged, and when they get married (in 78 days, but who's counting??) I will be there causing a ruckus as usual ;)
I love you Jenni Clark. We talk about everything and don't have any problems bickering like sisters sometimes haha. You are the best for advice and I trust you a ton. You know me better than I know myself sometimes. I'm glad we're best friends even though you won't tell me your one awkward story. Phooey. But other than that! You're awesome. You're the best!

I think you're kinda cool...we should be friends or something like that. Ya think?

Monday, November 8, 2010

Some days...

Some days, everything goes just right.
Some days, I get enormous amounts of homework done and I still have time for some social life.
Some days, you wake up happy, you stay happy, and then you go to sleep happy.
Some days, the weather is absolutely horrible...and its ok.
Some days, you have to sit back and count your blessings.Some days, you feel your Savior's love for you, stronger than you can imagine.
Some days, you connect with your friends again.
Some days, you laugh until you cry a little bit.
Some days, you laugh at really inappropriate things.
Some days, you count down until you can see you family again.
Some days, you just want to dance around.
Some days, you can't control your face and keep it from blushing.
Some days, you listen to Vivaldi and don't feel even slightly embarrassed (He's fabulous ok??)
Some days, are just good.

Some days, even if something not so good happens, it still ends perfectly.
Well today has not been one of those days. Its been all of those days. So my advice is don't sit and wait for those "somedays" that might come in the future. Embrace the day you have right now. Make that day the some day that you want. Put some sunshine in the middle of that blizzard. Do one thing everyday that makes you smile, that makes YOU happy. That's my motto for life and it's a good one of I do say so myself. ;)

A slightly misplaced California girl. :)

(Best thing about Utah though? FALL!)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I think I'm allergic to the human species.

A heart isn't something you just mess with.
Of all the weapons in the world, caring for someone should be the #1.
It's already well known that I don't trust people.
But there's many reasons for that, that people don't know and never will know.
It's days like this that just reaffirm my actions of holding people at arms length.
Because now I'm bitter.
I say I trust you but I really don't because I know in the end everybody leaves.
Sure I trust people, but I don't trust them with much, because I learned the hard way that most people aren't trustworthy at all in in a lot of ways.
So now it's ok to me when someone leaves because chances are I wasn't feeling enough about the friendship to be hurt or sad.
I just shrug my shoulders and write them off.
I don't feel anything about people anymore.
Some might be surprised by this because they feel close to me but chances are I definitely don't feel the same about you.
If we were close you would know.
To those that think they know me, all I can say is that I can fake a smile better than anybody because I've been practicing my whole life.
You don't know anything because frankly I don't want you knowing things about my life, my family, or what's going on in my mind.
I don't care, people have to prove themselves to me.
I haven't cried in over a month...it's probably time for a breakdown soon.
Sadly, this is actually me getting better.
I'm feeling more than I was two months ago.
It's just one day at a time, baby-steps.
But today my wall flew back up faster than you can say horchata.
I'm back to a zero-emotions zombie.
People can tell when my wall first goes back up but they can't tell when it goes down.
If I start trusting just one person, I ease up a little with everyone else.
But then that person breaks that trust and screws it up for the others.
So many people tell me they don't know how I can go around not trusting anyone or that I should just suck it up and let people in.
I avoid closeness because I have to. It's my survival instinct. I can't just 'suck it up' because its so much more than that.
Yeah. I'm messed up. But I'm dealing with it. I'm getting better. I'm not good yet and maybe I'll never fully be back to the childlike naivete I have had for much of my life...but that's my problem. Not yours. So don't try and fix me with all the problems you have yourself.
You can't change the past.
You can't change other people.
You can't change anything about me.
You can only change yourself.
So while I work on myself, you work on you and we'll get along just fine.