About Me

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I snort when I laugh. I don't sleep much. Music is my life. I'm extremely clumsy. John Mayer is the love of my life. So is Batman. I'm Mormon. I have a slight obsession with mustaches. I blog because I can. I say what I think when I think it. My sense of humor often gets me in trouble. I love adventures. I get lost constantly.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Growing pains

I have the innate ability to offend people.
I always have.
Throughout my life I have had the tendency to unceremoniously shove my feet in my mouth. Sometimes both at once.
I kind of feel that I have loved and lost more people than the average person.
I'm not complaining, I'm just stating statements.
I've never been the favorite of people, and thats ok.
I have the problem of loving people too much.
Ilove with my entire soul.
My problem is, 90% of people don't feel the same towards me.
Another problem with shoving my foot in my mouth is that I tend to hurt most the peple I love the most.
I'm a champion at ruining friendships.
But, I feel that the Lord gives us strengths and weaknesses in this life to help us work hard and become like Him.
If we had only strengths, what good would we be?
We would never learn a thing, because we wouldn't have to.
With only strengths to speak of, there would be nothing to overcome.
There would be no "character-building" episodes so to speak.
Weaknesses keep us humble. They give us reminders to go to Him and ask for help.
Well, I'm feeling pretty humbled right now, I tell ya.
I don't know why I wasn't given a different weakness to work through.
Like, being too shy to speak my mind, or being dyslexic, or unable to spell anything.
Frankly, I could see myself working through those challenges and making them strengths.
Not that they're easy things to deal with, but I know I was given this weakness fr a reason.
Jus when I think I'm getting better with not pissing people off, I am proven wrong.
Even with people I consider best friends.
I literally can't count the people that I have offended in some way, that refuse to speak to me any more.
People often think I'm joking when I ask what I did to hurt them, but honestly, I am the thickest dunce with these things.
I really, truly, do not set out to hurt anyone.
I know what its like.
I know what shunning feels like.
I know what teasing feels like.
I know what cruelty feels like.
I know I'm not the nicest girl in the world, but I give everybody a chance dang it.
I don't give up on people.
I'm stubborn to a fault caring about people.
Over the past few years I have become more reserved and less "insta-love" with people, simply because I have been hurt so much.
I should learn to stop putting my heart out there for people, but I do anyway.
I'm a lover, even if people don't realize it.
But, instead of cutting people off (like I always vow to) I relearn the lesson of love them anyway.
I believe in second chances like I believe in sunsets.
I've tried cutting myself off from others, but that doesn't bring anything good.
So if I say something offensive or sarcastic, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to hurt, and I don't often realize when I do.
I love people, I do.
Just please be patient with me.
I don't mean half of what I say, and my sense of humor usually gets me in trouble.
I care about my friends and family with all that I am, not just my heart or other internal organs.
So remember that.
I will give anyone a chance to be my friend.
Just let me be your friend in return.

Love, Ducky